There is no doubt that each and every one of us lives to experience loss and hardship in different forms. After years of retrospection, I finally understood (rather than just learnt) that loss and hardships can become the gateway to purifying our souls, enabling us to turn into a more wholesome being.
A while ago, I came across a beautiful Hadith (Prophetic tradition) where Ibn Abi Hatim reported on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (Sallallaahu ‘Alaihi Wa Sallam said:
“…then Allah displayed them (i.e. Adam’s children) in front of him. Some of them were blind, some of them were lepers and others had other sorts of diseases. Adam said, ‘O’ my Lord, why did you do this with my children?’ Allah said, ‘In order that they thank Me over My blessings.'”
Stories of the Prophets by Ibn Katheer
I remember thinking very deeply about this, and when certain events unfolded in my own life, I truly comprehended those words of the Hadith. I experienced different kind of losses – not always tactile – which ultimately caused me to adopt humility, express gratittude and to look at the creation of God through a lens of deep empathy.
Loss of a job and community
In the winter of 2006, I started a job as a teacher at a newly opened secondary Islamic school. I loved my job with all my heart and often went above and beyond to make sure that classes were running smoothly. That half hour walk every morning to school, was the best part of my day. However, everything was about to change, and within six months, I was seperated from the thing I loved the most; the job that had brought me so much happiness. Within two years, I was living in a different town, miles away. The women I once knew and worked with soon forgot me and I became a distant memory. I tried hard to fill this void by holding Islamic classes for women. I wanted to continue the good work. I could get to know people and build new connections. Unfortunately, the inner emptiness I felt continued to grow, until it seemed as if I was never that vibrant teacher who once loved the company of her students and colleagues. Looking back, I am thankful that this happened, as it taught me the importance of valuing myself. My desperation to keep connected with those whom I had either studied or worked with, was soon replaced with contentment with oneself. Amazingly, once I did this, new connections and bonds began to blossom on their own. Accepting God’s degree brings peace to the heart.
Loss of opportunity
In 2017, after moving to Preston, I thought it would be ideal to apply for a job at the local Islamic Girls Secondary school. A teacher had encouraged me to apply, so I plucked up the courage to do so. However, it soon became clear that my qualifications were not enough; I had to have a degree and a PGCE and it was no longer acceptable to teach Islamic subjects with only an Aalimah qualification (as was once common practice). It was something I bitterly accepted at the time but years later I realized that nothing had been lost; I was being guided to something greater, and it wasn’t long before I enrolled onto university to study a degree. Moreover, I had a lot of improvements to make on myself, which I had the opportunity to do at university. More importantly, I made new friends and built new connections.
Loss of respect and reputation
After years of wearing the face veil, I came to a point where I decided to wear it no more. This sparked outrage amongst many. In certain groups, I would no longer be accepted. To make matters worse, my chances of applying for jobs as an Islamic teacher became limited. I remember one woman once remarked, “Have you thought of applying for such and such job? Oh, actually they won’t accept you – you don’t wear Niqab.” She laughed dryly, then added, “but I’ll see if I can get a word in for you.”
Instead of the standard “How are you?”, I was addressed with, “So, you don’t wear Niqab (face veil)?.”
I remember thinking that it would be an act of great hypocrisy and selfishness to now don the face veil just to fit into a certain group or to get a certain type of job. Suffering the consequences was a better option.
I am sincerely grateful for such experiences, because it created in me, an intense humility. Soon, this feeling of humility helped me become more accepting of other’s choices in all matters of life. I was able to see things from their perspective. I also learned to keep busy with correcting my own wrongs instead of picking out the wrongs of others. We live in a world where slandering and criticism is often disguised as “commanding others to do good”. This is not the Prophetic way, I believe.
Final thoughts
Every time I lost something, it was to remove blemishes from my heart. To remove pride, arrogance, hatred and hardness. This is why, I am eternally grateful for the things I have lost. For what I have gained in return, is what I needed most, and God knew that before anyone else did.
The songwriter Sami Yusuf articulates it well enough in his song Grounded:
Losing the crown
Would only keep me grounded
I know the fall
Could only keep me humble
Losing it all
Would only leave me grateful
I could take it
I would not break
If you’re there for me.
The Progressive Learner 